What if...

I love words. I grew up obsessively reading anything I could get my hands on and attempting to write novels or come up with ideas for them. It only got worse when I took Latin in high school, because now I look at words and search for roots or connections to the classics. I relate too much to the mantra in the Giver “precision of language.”

The duality between words is also something I am fascinated by.

For instance, what if…  

When I ask myself “What if,” it goes one of two ways. One leads to action, and one leads to collapsing in on myself. For instance, what if people judge me? What if I fail? What if this is the nail in my social coffin? What if I never get a job because I just bombed an audition? Anymore that last one is what my mind seems to center on. I am a senior in college, and I am concerned about job security once I leave. The world makes me feel naïve and young; Directly contrasting with what my experience is college in now-- an old lady who has all the answers about college for the new freshman-- but a young adult who has none of the answers on how to live once I leave. I don’t know how to do taxes, actually get a job or how to cook like my Dad or remain level headed and persistent like my Mom.

And these “what ifs,” can just get more ridiculous. But when I ask myself what if I succeed? What if I apply to this job? What if this is a step to making my dreams come true? What if I take a chance on love? What if I invest in myself and my future? What if I choose to trust myself?

This does a few things for me. It calms me down, it creates opportunities, and it inspires me to want to do more. Being positive and curious is arguably more natural than self-doubt. But as women we are constantly told that we are not enough—through ads, social media, and unattainable beauty standards, but then at the same time being sexualized and objectified after puberty starts to hit usually around 12. It is a contradiction. To me the 2016 and 2024 election taught me how little we really value women in this country.  I wonder what it would mean for our future if we all started investing in ourselves. What if we made people value us? What if we walked into any room with the confidence of a drunk frat guy? What if, “what if,” wasn’t the scariest two words in the English language. What if these words became our superpower?